Yes, indeed. I’m typing this entry from within the borders of idyllic Waukegan, Illinois; where, for centuries, lonely travelers have sought solace and relief from a host of physical and mental maladies by swimming in the crystal waters of Lake Michigan, frolicking in the fresh mountain air of downtown Waukegan, and meditating along the quiet banks of the Waukegan River.
Yeah. Okay. For starters, the water in Lake Michigan might actually be somewhat clean, but I’m not about to go jump in it. It’s 36 degrees outside. Also, the air in Waukegan could possibly be clean (I’m not gonna put money on that), but the nearest mountains are 400 miles to the east and it’s ridiculously foggy this morning – if you breathe too deeply, you’ll drown. And the Waukegan River? It does exist. That’s pretty much all I know about it.
 |
| Proof that Waukegan is a suburb of Chicago |
Waukegan, as you all know, is a suburb of Chicago. I don’t care if Waukeganites (Waukenigans? Waukeshans?) don’t want to admit it. It’s a simple fact. True, it’s must closer to Wisconsin (and, therefore, Milwaukee – because let’s face it: without Milwaukee, Wisconsin itself is a suburb of Lansing, MI) than it is to Chicago; but if you were to ask an honest Waukenian where he or she is from, he or she will say, “Waukegan.” And when you follow that up with, “Where the hell is Waukegan,” they’ll say, “About 40 miles north of Chicago.” What they’ll be referring to when they say that, of course, is downtown Chicago; but Chicago, like Atlanta, stretches out from its downtown area in a circle with a radius of approximately 38 miles.
So don’t let anybody tell you that Waukegan isn’t a suburb of Chicago. It is. Oddly enough, it has its own suburbs, too: Zion, for example, is a suburb of Waukegan. So is Kenosha, Bank of America, and the entire state of Iowa.
Waukegan is not a small town, though Waukadalians would have you believe that. Its 28 square miles are home to nearly 90,000 people. That’s about 4,000 people per mile. Imagine walking a mile to the grocery store and having to make your way past 4,000 neighbors. You will be shot, stabbed or insulted at least 4 times in that mile. It’s just science.
This ain’t Mayberry, folks.
The town’s name means “Little Fort” in the Potawatomi language, though I’ve never seen a fort here. There are some some lovely parks that I’ve visited in previous sojourns (and some parks where, I’ve been told, I will die should I ever set foot in them). It is also home to the expressway to nowhere (I can’t make this stuff up).
Waukegan does have a number of famous sons and daughters, including sci-fi author Ray Bradbury, comedian Jack Benny, running back Michael Turner and trumpeter Amy Nelson. For whatever reason, Al Capone is not embraced by Waukenagites in spite of the fact that he pretty much is synonymous with Chicago – and, as we’ve established, Waukegan is Chicago.
Amy Nelson, by far, is the most famous resident of Waukegan; not only because she’s a world-renowned musician but also because she’s seen me in my swim trunks.
I’ll have lots of interesting Waukedlian facts in the days ahead. Right now, though, I’m going to eat my breakfast: pizza and coffee.
TWD