That’d be “BellSouth” – not that other BS word.

The good news is that I’m apparently going to get paid an extra 4 hours a week for just being me. The bad news is that we’ve apparently started down a slope to … well … BS.

It appears that one group within our affiliate (we’ll call them “Group A”) learned that my little IT group (three whole people) has been in the habit of taking comp time occassionally because we’re on call – literally – 24×7. We also tend to work some really odd hours so that our users can continue to do their jobs (said users include “Group A”).

Here’s the way it might work. I work fairly regular hours Monday – Thursday (and am on call when I’m not working), but on Friday, I need to patch a server. This can only be done when users aren’t working, so I plan to do it at midnight Friday. This being the case, I go to work at 10:00 Friday morning, work until 3:00, then go home, then go back to work at 11:00 Friday night and work until 2:00 Saturday morning. Everybody counting? I’ve worked 8 hours.

Later Saturday morning, I check things out for a couple of hours. A user reports a problem at 3:00 in the afternoon, so I drag myself away from my bar stool, help them out (they’ve probably forgotten their password or something, but are certain that it has to do with the work I did Friday night), and go back to my bar stool – where I’m still on call.

Monday, I get a wild idea about upgrading a server, so I work from 6:00 in the morning until 4:00 in the afternoon. Tuesday. I work a normal day. Wednesday, somebody calls me at 5:00 for a conference call, which I take in my car on the way to skating.

Etc. This goes on for a month, during which time I never mow my lawn.

After noticing that my lawn is now 8 feet tall, I call my boss on a Thursday afternoon and tell her that I’m going to leave the office at 2:00 to go home and mow my lawn. She says, “Please do mine, too.”

So I leave. Do we all know how many hours I’ve put in in the last month? I don’t. I just figure it’s enough. So I’m taking half an afternoon off. I’m happy, my boss is happy, my users are happy…everybody’s ecstatic.

But Group A doesn’t like this, because when THEY work on-call, they report it and are paid for it.

I forgot to mention that Group A is comprised of HOURLY employees. I’m salaried.

Anyway, Group A’s spokesman goes to our CIO and complains that it isn’t fair that they can’t take comp time. So our CIO decides that the IT group must now be paid for being on call during the weekends.

You following this? I’m not.

Anyway, this scenario apparently makes Group A happy, but it makes 2 of the 3 people in the IT group (me being the holdout) upset that they aren’t being paid for the on call time that they have during the regular workweek (remember, we’re on call 24×7). Having learned that they can be paid for doing nothing during the weekend that they aren’t already doing, they now want to be paid for the hours they spend during the week doing nothing that they wouldn’t be doing already.

My boss brings this to the CIO, who decides that perhaps our IT group should work in shifts so that there’s always somebody AT THE OFFICE when the users are AT THE OFFICE (6:00 am to 9:00 pm).

The other two IT people (UNIX guys who back each other up) are ALL FOR THIS idea, and my boss is ready to go to the CIO and accept it…until I point out that I don’t HAVE a backup, and I don’t want to work 15 hours everyday AND be on call for the other 9 hours.

I am then called insane by one of the UNIX people, who sees an extra $500/month and loses sight of the fact that he’ll get to see his two toddlers approximately 10 minutes every day if he wants to work shifts.

I write to my boss and say, basically, “If I have to document my on call time on the weekends, I’ll do it, but I’m really not in this job for the money and I’ve told you that on MANY occassions.”

She responds, “Just keep doing what you’re doing and don’t worry about it.”

So I will. Only I think I’ll start locking the passwords of everyone in Group A. Just for fun.

Went skating after work yesterday on the Greenway. Got there pretty early (around 4:00) with the intention of absolutely wearing myself out before meeting a friend for a walk at around 7:00. After I’d gone about 2 miles – away from my car – a massive thunderstorm came through. Lots of thunder, actually, but fortunately not too much rain and no lightning. So I kept skating. The friend called at around 4:45 and said that she didn’t want to walk in the rain, so she was just going to go home after a working dinner (at 5:30).

I continued to skate until 5:30 or so – only got about 10 miles in – before the concrete got slick enough to make me quit. Didn’t have any idea what to do at that point, so I went home, fed the cats, turned on the tube, had a glass of wine, and zoned on the couch.

So much for trimming the hedges in front of my house. Maybe I’ll take an afternoon off to do it next week.

Well, it has been a quiet week in Lake Wobegon.

Wait. Wrong show. Sorry.

It’s been a stormy week in Duluth, actually. Strong thunderstorms every evening since Sunday, followed by steamy mornings and hot, muggy afternoons. This is not my favorite time of year in Georgia. Actually, this summer has been the wettest I can remember since moving here in 1990.

Still, I managed to slap on the skates yesterday and got about 12 miles in – this in spite of the fact that there were some extremely slick spots on the trail, a couple of non-navigable waterways (read: “puddles”) and one little stretch of mud that absolutely STOPPED my skates. Not sure how, but I managed to to fall when that happened. I haven’t taken in a spill on quite some time, actually.

Anyway, the 12 or so miles took me exactly 90 minutes, heartrate pretty much stayed between 165 and 180, and I had a good time. After I finished, I went over to a friend’s place and walked another two miles before having some food delivered (had a salad, a ham & cheese, and a quesadilla) and watching “To Kill a Mockingbird.”

Work has been pretty much a waste of time this week. I’m still in the proess of getting a “variance” for some new servers. In BellSouth-speak, a “variance” means filling out 8 times as much paperwork as is needed to do something in a month that should’ve taken a day. It’s a blood pressure-raising experience, to say the least. Adding to the fun yesterday was the arrival of a new computer worm, which put all of the cyber-Nazis at BS on full alert and resulted in my having to spend most of the day putting patches on servers – which, if the variance ever goes through, will be retired almost immediately.

I did get a couple of recipes from Lisa, however. Quite timely, because I’m supposed to be making dinner for/with a friend tonight and tomorrow night.

Other items of interest (if damned near anything is of interest):

• The feds have apparently gotten involved in my salary. I was informed yesterday that I must now be paid for two hours out of every 24 that I’m on call. Not sure where they arrived at that number, or how it should be implemented, but in my case, this is how it works out. I’m on call 24×7, but this two-hour dealie apparently will only be invoked on the weekends. So if I fill out all the proper paperwork, I’ll be paid for 4 hours extra every weekend. If I actually have to DO something during those 48 hours (and I decide to report it), then I get paid more. How much? I have no idea. And theoretically, if I have to do something during the regular workweek over and above 40 hours, then I’m supposed to be paid something for that, too. Hmmm…sounds like an hourly position to me. I’ve always preferred being able to take comp time, to be quite honest. Thanks, gubmint.
• Furman starts its football season two weeks from today in Jacksonville, AL. Actually closer to me than Greenville. I arranged yesterday to take September 2nd off (the game’s on the 1st for some reason), and I’m planning to head down there on the first, watch/film the game, and then find a place to camp over the Labour Day weekend. Yes…I’ll still be on call.
• I haven’t shaved in several days, and my face itches.
• A vendor bought me lunch on Monday. I had a buffalo burger. I thought buffalo were extinct or something. Buffalo burgers have 1/3 of the fat of cowburgers, by the way. So if you see a buffalo on your lawn, SHOOT IT. It does a body good you know.

Last Friday (August 12, 2005, for those of you who are already lost), we celebrated Mom’s and Dad’s 50th anniversary in style by arranging to have all of their children, with spouses and dates, gather at the Flat Rock Grille (“e” added to denote historical class – as in “Ye Olde Shoppe on the Hille”) in Greenville, SC (as opposed to Greevill, SC, or Flat Rock, NC – or Flatte Rocke, NC, for that matter).

While Mother insists that she knew about this plan from the very beginning, one has to wonder why she would look so shocked (above) upon first entering the restaurant. (Sorry, Ma. It appears to me that you weren’t entirely certain that we’d all be there…)

The 12 (yes, 12) of us spent 3 or 4 hours at the place, sucking up the suds and wine – and sparkling water, of course – and chowing down on some fairly good eats while being regaled with Cy’s rendition of how this surprise party came to fruition over the last many months. Dianne had arranged for Mom and Dad to receive anniversary wishes from President Bush, Cy and “T” presented the oldyweds with a coffee-table book about Israel and a Hebrew/Yiddish/Whatver/English dictionary, and all of us pitched in to get them a digital camera so that they could take lots and lots of pictures when they visit Israel later this year.

Dianne also managed to purloin the little bride-and-groom dealie that was on M&D’s wedding cake 50 years ago, and she cleverly had it grafted onto a brand new cake, which was hidden in the restaurant’s vault until the proper cake-cutting ceremony could be held.

This whole schlemiel (that’s a Yiddish/Hebrew word for “thing” which was made wildly popular by that great musical, Laverne & Shirley) was, of course, far too much excitement for the various grandchildren which have somehow appeared due to Mom and Dad’s original vows, and so a combination Birthday Party (for Larry), Anniversary Celebration (for Greg and Lisa) brunch was held at G&L’s house on Saturday morning (this would be the 13th – everyone still with me?). Of the 10 million or so who showed up for this august (get it? August? In August? Ha! I slay me!) event, foster child William was by far the cutest. He made a brief appearance before hitting the bottle and crashing for the duration.

Okay, so there weren’t 10 gazillion people there. It just seemed like it at times, what with the antics of Adam, Samuel, Wesley, Nathan, Riley, Tad, Zachary, and Dad; all of whom posed for incredibly touching photos, which I’m sure will one day be immortalized in FBI files.

After the festivities ended at G&L’s, I followed Larry, Marilyn, Adam and Samuel on a circuitous route back to 85 and headed south to Atlanta, arriving in plenty of time to gorge on shrimp alfredo and watch a movie (“K-Pax”, I think, was the name of it. Quite good).

Random pictures from the weekend: